Love Handles (Get a grip on Finding and Dating Your Lifetime Love)

One of the books which I enjoy reading all over again is Love Handles. The author is an amazing woman of Christ, Sis. Rissa Singson-Kawpeng. Actually, all of us women could relate with her stories about life, conversations with God and especially in her journey in finding love. I have a copy of her book and sad to say I did not able to ask for her autograph.

            As I read the pages of her book, I cannot help but laugh and feel a bit of sadness. Probably because we experience the same ups and downs of courtship. The thing we differ is a “boyfriend”. Unlike her, I never had a boyfriend, proud member of NBSB (no boyfriend since birth). I am already in my late 20’s but still searching if there is someone out there for me. I admire this book so much; it makes me feel I am not alone in this worldwide search of suitable partner.

            I laughed so much when she mentioned the word “M” (marriage). According to her, most of the people called it mortal sin. In dating do not ever use that word or else Prince Charming might vanquish in split seconds. It made me realize that I am not the only one who has the “M” concern. Because of that, I used to think we are really sisters in another mothers. Like her, I am not afraid to say it in front of others and most especially in front of the opposite sex. In my point of view, “Why should I be afraid of saying the ‘M’ word in front of men?” By means of saying the word marriage, a woman will know who stays and who will go, right?

            I grew up in a traditional family. Both of our parents are still trap in the Spanish era, where women should not do the first move and should wait for the men to do so. So I became an adult with that prerogative.  But one day, a man came inside the room with all the lights shining on him. I fall for him. She said in her book that a lot of women ask her about it. That page made me stitch to the book. A male friend of hers shares that even if you are a woman and want to get to know a man, you can ask that person on a friendly way. Ending up together should be removed first in the mind (though it is hard to do so if you are head over heels). Her male friend gave a certain scenario, like inviting someone for a meal (either in breakfast, lunch or dinner) where you could have a moment with him. It is the best way to ease the shyness felt by the other party or both. After reading the book, one night I saw him again while watching basketball, I gathered all my nerves and told to myself  “This is it girl! Make the move! This is a modern world! Sis. Rissa Singson-Kawpeng said be friendly.”  So I did, we were able to have a brief chat that day.

            Sis. Rissa also advised that women should love their selves. If a man oftentimes ask you out but never mentions he likes you, do not fall for it. I think she’s right, I have seen countless women too who fall for those guys. As a woman, you should know your worth.   Women and men have different instincts and analyzing abilities. Like in viewing a forest, men only view the first part of the forest but for women, we view the whole area. I am also guilty about it, since I caught that man looking at me first and there were times we stared at each other’s eyes. For a woman it means something. 

            In this vast society where high-end gadgets are almost praised like gods, virginity is at stake. There are women now who no longer value their virginity and they are proud of it. I wonder sometimes if they are familiar with the illnesses that come along with it. I am a victim of virginity bully. I used to work as a call centre agent before, my fellow agents at that time bully me for being a virgin in my mid 20’s. Though the book was published only last 2013, Love Handles makes me feel that as a daughter of God, I am a worthy person. I personally do not care if virginity serves as a gift to your future spouse or as a seduction to someone. Virginity for me is a matter of value of one self.

            “So when your body clock is screaming, or another girl friend asks you to be the bridesmaid and it’s your 11^th time, or maybe you’re just feeling blue and loveless, don’t give in to anxiety over being an old maid. Instead, PRAY.”(Love Handles p.114)  Last May 2014, a friend of mine got married in Makati City. When I heard the news I am happy for her. However, a flash back ran through my mind. In 2010, the three of us prayed for a partner and career. I somehow feel frustrated because among the three of us, I am the only one left out. You see, the two of them are both older than me, by the following year they got their boyfriends but for me none. Then this 2014, the other one got married by February and the other one got hitched by May, as for me “single”. There are nights when I ask God about my fate. I keep on reminding him about my plans that few years from now I will be out of the calendar and hello thermometer! But in all of those instances, I felt his hand patting my shoulders and telling me “You have gone through this stage of your life though single you are, I am with you, right?”

            God answers in three ways: Yes, now; Yes, later; No, I have better plans for you. He knows the proper timing when you are ready for something greater. We may fall for someone even if we just met them for no apparent reasons. As a single woman, I learned that we may let go of few things but we should hold God’s hand. For his other hand, he is holding the hand of the person destined for us. Know your worth. In a wedding, you may be a bride’s maid but one day you will have your own wedding.