Questions In This Long Journey Called Life

Ever since I graduated way back in 2007, it was a hard time for us nurses to secure a job in the hospitals. So for almost 2 years of my life, I had been a wandering toad. I took odd jobs from private duty nurse to derma clinic until I landed as a call center agent.

Then by the following year I had the courage to step out of my comfort zone and try my luck in teaching. For one year I am bale to complete my education units which opened my eyes in a lot of things. One cannot achieve his goals if he is not brave enough to travel a new shore.

By the following year, 2011, got a job as grade school Science teacher and passed the board examinations for teachers. While staying in that institution, I made friends and somehow made a name. Then the big announcement came when the school told us (our batch) that we need to earn our master's degree by 2014.

Since we (the remaining batchmates) had no choice but to enroll in the graduate studies by the summer of 2012 and the other two enrolled during the 1st semester of 2012. May I have my confession? You see upon entering the graduate school I told to myself that after earning my MA degree, I will work abroad.

Suddenly, there was a twist, a man came long and with that my life turned from 180 degrees to 360 degrees. I was not prepared for it but it hit me in a single strike. Meeting him from that day and onwards made me come to terms with my life-long dreams. Somehow made me think if there is enough reason to stay then stay.

After three years, my colleagues and I finally bade good bye to the institution who too us under their wings. So this year 2014, my plight from few years back is the same scenario I am in now. Sometimes it despairs me that at this point in my life I hardly achieve what I want to achieve.

You might ask why I stated "Questions In This Long Journey Called Life".   As you can see, I have been to a journey which predominantly I do not like. After graduating form high school way back in 2003, the Nursing profession became a blockbuster hit over night. My parents pushed me in that profession and did not heard my plea.

For four years, I asked myself over and over again, why? Did I even do something bad which prompted them to push in the position where I do not want to be? Am I overly submissive which they think I am weak? Am I a walking puppet so that others can control me? Why life gave me this?

There were a time when the thought of taking thy life came in my mind. Depression can lead to suicidal tendencies. Fortunately, a friend of mine specializing in psychology helped me out. We used to have a talk therapy via phone calls. Even though we cannot see each other, the therapy aid in subsiding my depression.

Then I suddenly recall the 10 Commandments and asked for forgiveness to God. I remember a biblical passage that says "God has three ways in answering prayers. Yes! Now. Yes! Later. No! I have something better for you.".  All throughout my nursing life, I offered it to God.

Addition to that, taking the MA road has its' purpose. The graduate studies allow me to have some explorations and meeting new people. I gain friends and excellent professors who opened my eyes in ways words are not enough to sum it up. We have professors who taught us not to settle for anything less.

Life is too short, so enjoy the every moment it brings. Practice and discover new hobbies which you have not done before. In that idea, I learned to love photography. I know I am a late bloomer in the craft but I am willing to learn. I have been practicing every angles which I think would be suitable for the images.

For 3 months now I am unemployed. There are questions which I share with God.  The inquiries which I personally ask him are the following: why I still do not have a work; I did my best in answering the written exams but still no follow-ups; you gave an answer and yet you take it back; why my  life is full of gamble.


One night I received an unexpected message, we had a brief chat. Then all of a sudden, tears filled my eyes and began to cry. All memories from day one until to the recent encounter flashback in my mind. I do not know why  but I felt the longingness in my heart to see and talk to him and to touch his hand for the last time.

So I made up my mind to confess what I feel for him. I have nothing to loose! My life is full of risks, so why should I be afraid now? When I looked up and close my eyes, I bluntly asked God why I do feel this way? Is this some sort of punishment for being single all my life? Why did you brought this person to me?

There are people who say that, that kind of conversation is not acceptable to God. As for me, it is my way of conversation with him and I am just being blunt. Each individual has his unique abilities in praying. God is omniscient, so he knows our intentions, needs and wants before lifting it all to him.


 

In the end we may not know where we are going. The plans He has for us. We may not end up with the things we wanted the most,. However, God will give the best for us in the right time. He is the best father and a friend.  Happy Father's Day, Lord!