Fix

On my way home, I came across at the newsstand. In an advertisement at the bottom of the Lifestyle section of New York Daily Times, they announced that there would be a Brooklyn Synchronized Dance Interpretation Contest which will be held on December 20, 2012. As I bought a copy of the newspaper, a man who wore fainted jeans, blue sneakers and gray shirt with hood covering his face, blocked my way. I stared at the person who was blocking my way then he said “Hi, Priscilla.”

            “Hi!” I replied as I folded the newspaper and prepare to move away from him.

            “So you have an interest in joining the said contest.” He said in a chilling voice. White specks of smoke came out of his mouth, winter was approaching. I stopped and looked past at him.

            “It is none of your concern.” I snubbed him.

            “Priscilla, do not be mad if I am like a stalker to you. In a weird way.” He protested as he lift slightly his arms at his sides. “I can be your partner if you wish.” He added.

There were people walking along around us and they were like “What is the hell with these two? Can they just talk in a decent manner?” Since they were already wondering what was wrong with us.  I raised my white flag and accepted his offer.  Inside my apartment, I dressed in white short laced dress and my partner was wearing black fitted shirt and jogging pants. He chose the song “Fix You” by Coldplay, since he was a huge fan. Frank’s navy blue tantalizing eyes had an effect on me, I do not know why. We both choreographed the dance, since two to tango was essential in winning the competition so I lower down my doubt.  I hesitated for so long since I was bullied due to my ethnicity. They called me ‘no eyes, small eyes,’ to name a few, as if I cannot speak English. Here in New York, people were very particular with your color. If they noticed that you are different from the whites, they would certainly make your life like a living hell.

When the music begun to play we were in our proper position; my body was facing outward and my left foot was at the back. My left hand stretching at the back then he reached out for my hand. He turned me around so we were facing each other. I tip toed my right toe and left leg was raised at the side to cling at his back. We both raised our arms in the air; his arms to my shoulder and my hands clasped around his neck. I felt his breathing, since he was taller than me the masculinity of his chest was very admirable. My heart started to pound very fast. Through the mellow of the song, our bodies were connected as if it was an instant Chemistry. Our bodies followed the rhythm set by the notes of the song. As our skin met, my nerves were screaming inside. In that given time I wanted to scream the words ‘I want you inside of me.’ But I cannot. He was from Caucasian ancestry and I am from Asian lineage.

Haunted by my racial issues, I declined to complete the practice that night. “Why are you stopping? Are you hurt? Tired?” His consoling yet caring voice uttered as he offered a seat for me.

“No…no…  I am neither hurt nor tired. Let us call this a night, shall we?” I insisted. I wanted him to go out and leave me in peace. I moved away from him. I refused to gaze at his eyes one more time because I knew I might invite him to stay.   “Just go Frank. Thank you for this practice.”

From the look on his face, I could tell he was irritated by my odd behaviour towards him. His gestures suggested he wanted to argue with me. I know I am sort of rude. Frank just put on his grey shirt and opened the door. “You are a great dancer ---- person. Never forget that. Just to inform you, I am not a racist. What you see in me is real! Though I am white, I also have a fair share of discrimination.” He then stormed out of my apartment. I watched him leave through window. He then looked back and our eyes met again. I cursed myself for driving him away.

            Once again, I found myself in the corner of my brick walled apartment. The white short laced dress suited my well-proportioned body. I tied my long dark straight hair into a bun. As I pinned the lower section of the bun, his face never leave my mind. The way he looked at me while rehearsing bare feet for the dance competition in Brooklyn. His navy blue eyes’ expressions kept on running in my head. The scent of his sweats could still be sensed by my nose like it was the air I breathe. My arms intersected and my eyes rolled as it closes. My body was reliving the moment I am dancing with Frank for the first time.

            Frank volunteered to be my dancing partner because he knew I wanted to give dancing a chance to be heard and to be seen. Being a Vietnamese- American does not only had its advantage. Growing up in New York was not only milk and honey. I have to stand on my feet and swallow the insult of the whites! From then on, I learned to fight for my right which earned me the title of “Asian fighter”. That experience taught me to be head strong and anti-white. I merely told myself not to fall in love with every white men, it sucks. However, I had to confront all of these battles in my heart. For the very first time, it marveled on the charisma of Frank. As I recalled how his skin touched mine. My fists almost crashed the whole frame of the mirror before me. The frame shook against the wall. I saw my reflection and it was divided into two. The other one said to give this emotion a try. Who knows he might be the right one? On the other hand, my other half rebelled. It contradicted every word and wants; the desire to be loved, to be understood and to be accepted. It believed that every white men on this planet were all liars, cheaters, pretenders and so on. Once they totally had your trust, they would treat you like a fool! Am I a toy that they could play off.

            “Get a grip Priscilla! He is a man for Christ sake! He will fool you like the others.” Half of me shouted. I gazed at my reflection again but this time, Frank’s endearing soft touches merged from the irises at the depth of my squint eyes. I reached out for the CD player lying down beside the foot rest of my whole body mirror. The song “Fix You” by Coldplay was repeated for fifteen times. I sat on the floor embracing myself as I reminisced how our bodies developed the chemistry it desired. That song would be our choreograph piece for the Brooklyn Synchronized Dance Interpretation Contest set one month before Christmas.

Another day was over since the school was preparing for the Christmas year-end performance of the students. Kinder 1 and 2 were combined since they were only few students. Kinder 1 had ten students while Kinder 2 had sixteen. The kids were so adorable. “Lucky day for me.” I uttered.  “It is almost Christmas break and I have now the time to focus on the dance rehearsal. If he would show up again.” I told to myself as I cleaned the clutters on top of the teacher’s table in front of the white board. Then the memory of Frank started to play again in my mind. I took a deep breath as I wanted to free myself from him --- his memories.

Shelley came inside the kinder classroom unnoticed. She was dressed in brown slacks, beige flowery short sleeve blouse and matching her attire in brown wedge shoes.

“Whoa!” I said in a surprised motion.

“Hey, it is just me. Get used to my sneaking attitude.” Shelley snapped out.

“What brings you here? Do you have any more English class at the third grade level?”

“Nope. Mr. Smith wanted to talk to those kids regarding their misbehavior last field trip at the zoo.”

Shelley ad her Detective Conan manner grabbed my cellphone from my table. “Priscilla! Who is this Frank? He called you four times.” She giggled at me while holding my mobile phone.

“Get a life…. He is just someone I know…. Nothing personal.” I defended myself trying to hide whatever emotion I have. But no matter how hard I try to hide, Shelley could still uncover it. Her green eyes never leave my sight as she stroke her short reddish hair. “All right I will talk now.” I surrendered. “We danced the other night for the Brooklyn Dance Contest.” I blurted out. “But somehow I --- I made him ran off.”  I relented since I am afraid of whatever emotions I could harbor from being so close to him.

Our conversation lasted until we got home. “Priscilla as your friend, I suggest you should go out more with Frank. You are a graceful dancer so pursue it. Who knows this might be your chance to be seen.” Shelley’s words of encouragement rang in my ears when I was pouring hot coffee into our cups. I gave her a strange look in my face since I do not want to hear it. “Oh common on, do not give me that darn look. You are talented. When will you believe that?” she added her Russian accent made me feel smile a bit about life.

I wanted to drop the case. I remembered how I was bullied due to my racial origin. How those white skinned insulted me for being far different from them and telling me that the American in me was all because I was born here. “Look, I appreciate your support but ……” she cuts me.

“But, what? You are not going to give it a try? Priscilla, I am also originally not from here. You know that, the Lithuanian in me cannot be denied due to the manner of my speaking. Did I ever discriminate you for being different too?” She recounted. Oh boy, she was right. Her intonations were unusual for someone who grew up here in America.

I kept my silence as she leaves around 7 in the evening.  I watched her leave through the window of the house. Her words were like echoes encouraging me to do whatever I want to accomplish. “Hell with the race!” I whispered to myself. Then there was knock on the door. I dropped the dirty dishes on the kitchen sink. He mesmerized me when I opened the door. Our eyes locked which made me speechless for a second or so.

“May I come in?” Frank said.

“Su—sure…. Come in please.”

Frank made his way into the living room. He removed his dark coat and tossed it over the couch. His perfume kind of struck me in a way I cannot explain. His muscles were easily traced in the hem of his shirt. “Can I giv---e you some---thing which you ne—ed.” I offered in tense voice. Moments like this made me startle. His navy blue eyes met mine; his kissable lips uttered “Let us continue with the dance rehearsal, shall we?” As soon as he said this I lost my balance and almost bumped my knees at the edge of the nearest chair. He dared to support me to get up but I managed to stand on my own.  I was not expecting that he would appear on my doorstep and tells me to continue with the dance practice. I hesitated for a minute if I truly deserve second chances. From the looks of it we both had infatuation for each other. Sad to say but I am scared to show. Scared that this hot guy would just play his magic on me and ditch me if he was bored. He offered his hand which I gladly considered.

In the next couple of hours we practiced for the Brooklyn Dance competition. Every time our hands got caught into the beat of the music. My blood rushed inside and out of my being. Then he broke the silence swallowing us the whole time. “I came here not just to dance with you but to know you more.” He said as our faces met as I turned around. My right leg brushed the skin of his left thigh then his hands moved from my hands down to my behind. He rested his right hand on my waist and the other hand reached for my thigh which clings to his left thigh. The music served as our aphrodisiac. The longer the rehearsal, the longer I am falling for him. Our bodies bent forward and I could feel his breath on my chest. My fingers ran through his hair. The longer my fingers palpate his cheeky snowy bones, the more it became intense for us.

His head reached out for my neck and I felt his soft kisses. He led me on a standing position and as we opened our eyes, our reflections could be seen in our souls. Just before the music ends, we parted our positions. He was facing the wall and I am facing the opposite side. On a silent count of three, I ran towards him and he awaits for me. He held my waist high enough to meet his irresistible face and my legs separated to accommodate his well –built torso. We embraced each other in a snappy manner then he guided me as I glide slowly starting from his upper extremities down to his lower extremities. He swirl around like a ballet dancer. I got up and stood at his back. He positioned his back in front me. Then he lower down his body; his left leg was flexed and his right leg was stretched sideward. I came closer to him, my right thigh slide from his toe up to his inner thigh. My hands ran through his chest to his abdomen alternately. He turned his face on my side. My left hand held his head in place and my other hand was on his sternum. His right arm played along my left arm up to my chin. His remaining hand glided softly from my hips down to my calf. We ended it with a kiss at the end of the song.

That night was a huge shock for me. The barriers in my life were seemed to disappear. “A while ago I told you I want to know you more. May I start with this? My name is Frank Nicholson, sired in England and half of my childhood was spent both in New York and Canada. Now it is your turn.” His sweaty appearance thrilled me. So I returned the honour.

“I am Priscilla Trung, Vietnamese-American. I grew up here in New York.” Neither ethnicity nor my interpersonal walls could surmise the freedom I had. For once in my life, I believed in the thing called love. I am glad that he voluntarily knocked at my door again and how his lips persuaded me to give the dance rehearsal a second try.

            The lights switched on, the curtains lifted up. The song began to play so as our bodies. It gracefully followed the rhythm of the music. We faced the three judges and the crowd. We practiced almost two weeks and stayed until twelve midnight to perfect the steps. We were given four minutes to present. After the allotted time, we received a standing ovation. Alas! For the first time the crowd cheered for me – for us. To sum up the contenders, I was the only Asian participant. Frank and Shelley became my sole supporter in this contest. No booing was heard, everyone was thrilled. When the judges announced the winner, Frank and I were quite surprised. The judges chose the other couple who performed the song “All of Me” as the grand champion and we ended up in second place.

            “Not bad for a starter.” He tried to cheer me up. “They like our performance.” His comforting words wiped away my dismay. We knew that we should be the declared winner since the other couple made it obvious that they forgot their steps. The male partner did not catch properly his female companion when the girl ran towards him. She lost her balance in the process. Frank massaged my back as the confetti showered us. “We gave our best and that is enough.” He whispered in my ears.

            We dined at Joe’s diner just three blocks away from my apartment. The whole street was now covered with snow. All the establishments and houses had their Christmas decorations. They were few of us who dined at the diner. Everyone else seemed to be in a hurry to get home. It was freezing outside. I felt so cold due to the kind of weather we had. Frank then held my hands in-between his hands then he blew air from his mouth to the palm of my hands. It was warm.

            “Do not bury what happened in your heart.”

            “What do you mean?”

            “You know precisely what do I mean.” He said as he took a bite of his beef mushroom steak. “You have done well.”

            “Oh yes I know that. I kind of ignore it.” I tried to assure him. “So what is your story?”

            “What story?” as he chew his food.

            “Why are you helping me? I hardly knew you.”

            “Have you forgotten the man who punched two men in the alley when they made fun of you?”

            At the back of my mind I am trying to recollect the past. ‘In the alley’ he said. My eyebrows intersected my forehead. Now I do recall. It was the same day like this. I was about to go home when drunken duo came out. Tried to steal my purse and made a past at me. There was a strange man which suddenly appeared from nowhere. Before the fight was over I ran off. I never said thank you to the one who rescued me.

            “I guess today is the best time to thank me.” He exclaimed.

            “So the man…..it was you…..” I replied in bewilderment. He nodded with a smile. “Thank you then.”

            “You are welcome.” He grabbed my hand and kissed it such a British man. “You want to know my story? Here is it.”

            He recounted he was a brawler,  he do it for a living. It was now clear to me how his biceps were well-formed. He shared that he saw me one time in the park talking to a student. He heard that I was discussing future career and the benefits of education. He then recalled his childhood dream of becoming a pilot. Since then he was like a stalker following me around.

            “Oh well, your story sort of overwhelmed me.” I gulp my cocktail drink. His husky voice gave away a smile as he made another slice of steak.

            “To tell you frankly I love everything that you are. I’m drawn to your simplicity and determination.” He continued. “Because of you I am now planning to go back to school and earn a degree in College. I want to pursue my dream in becoming a pilot.”

            On my way out, there were three drunk men who tried to harass and insulted me for being an Asian. They encircled me when Frank was still inside paying the bills.

“Look here, bro, small woman with a fine ass!” shouted the bearded white guy.

            “She seems alone. Haha..” uttered the fatty man whose teeth seemed to be wanted by the Dentist. 

            “Looking for a date? You can choose which one of us or all of us. Oh wait does she speaks English?” The tall thin man exclaimed as he touched my shoulders and I slapped him with my bag. The bearded guy pressed his hand on my buttocks. I kicked his ass off.

            “Shit! Is this a girl or what? Front and back are just the same…….flat…..” shouted the fat-so. All of them were laughing and pushing me as if I am shuttle cock used in badminton.

“Of course she can speak the language!! Fuck you guys!” Frank came just in time and defended me. He knocked out the bearded guy in a single punch. He gave the fat-so an upper cut. However, the thin man grabbed a baseball bat and hit Frank at the shoulder blades. I ran and slapped the thin man’s face. The bearded man hit me in the head and everything turned dark. “Frank……” I spoke as I lost my consciousness.

            One day I woke up because I heard Frank’s voice. He was not there, it was Shelley who stood by my side. There was an IV line inserted in my skin and a bandage in my head. I asked her where was Frank, she just gave me a warmth embrace and cold drops of tears fell on my shoulder.

 “Where is he anyway?” I touched my head due to the excruciating pain. She cried. Somehow it was like an omen of bad luck. From that point I knew the hurtful answer. She narrated those who were dining at the diner helped us and called 911. The three drunk men got arrested and charged with assault.

            One month passed away, the central park was full of glittering stars. I am sitting on the same bench where he listened to my career advice to a former pupil. Though it was a cold night, I do not give a shit about it. I am wearing the gray hooded shirt of Frank. His scent was still there. I miss everything about him. I put on the earphones and played on my IPod the music of Coldplay, “Fix You.” I stared at the night sky and felt the cold breeze touched my cheeks. As I walked along the busy streets, my mind pondered on discrimination will exist if you allow it. White men helped us the night that we were attacked. That experience taught me the value of trust.

Though having a white skin colour does not imply that the person is unworthy. Racial colour is not enough to justify the intention of others. Hearing the song made me reflect a bit, whether Frank fixes me or I fix him, or both?  

P.S: This story is my own writing and I got inspiration from the song "Fix You". If by chance, this is similar to a real -life basis, it is purely coincidence.